Thought .

I have no intention of hurting anyone , nor do I want to hurt anyone . Instead , I am getting hurt . Life really isn't any fair play and somehow , I have to deal with it . It is parts and parcels of life . And sometimes I wonder if there would be a fine day whereby instead of being hurt , I would be loved .

I did have someone in mind whom I like and we had a thing for one another but it hurts me knowing that he switch liking just like that because I wasn't that ' boyish ' enough . Being me , I am way to famine and I like the way I am because I'm different from any girls out there . I am proud of who I am and I appreciate that my parents brought me up this way . Never did I regret my upbringing .

I was hurt and I mean , really really hurt because I felt shitty that he , out of so many people who likes me , couldn't accept that . And I will never change for anyone I like / love because that doesn't mean true love nor does it shows that I am honest . Furthermore , I am sorry if I did mutilate . I just couldn't control my emotionals .

I really like him but he turned his back against me when we were just about to step into Plan B . And knowing that he is jealous that I brought K. down was really surprising because I thought he was happy enough with her since he doesn't seem to be talking to me nor was he even smiling at me . It was like back to the first time we met . I hate it because all efforts made were being wasted .

I don't blame him and neither am I blaming myself . I am happy with K. , though I am still afraid of the future . Even when I was with K. , I really wished that I was with W. . But y'know , that is all hopes and wishes and I know deep down that it won't happen since the way I look at it , everyone is happy with their own partners . And I'll be angel and pray that they'll be happy forever .

I am sorry if I did hurt you , P. but you have to understand my situation . You're my bestf. and I don't wanna ruin our relationship . I want someone who is not part of our family because it will be easier for us to sit and chill baby chill . It has been a long time since I dated and right now , I have someone in mind and that is K. but I am not using K. as a rebound because I want to move on and start loving someone who will be there by my side .

I know you are jealous and I feel you . Still , I respect it . I noticed that when you first saw him , you didn't like him because he is with me ( instead of you ) . I really don't wish to hurt you at all . Like I said , love is an art and it isn't easy for someone to paint it because it takes time to understand and appreciate it .

I hope you understand what I'm trying to convey .